The decision over whether or not to find out the baby's sex is a real doozie. Especially if you and your missus don't agree on the matter...
It’s one of those things that has the potential to divide a burgeoning family faster than discovering that “sweet uncle Laurie” is secretly a Nazi… or that your missus is a die-hard Ford fan and insists on decorating the house with those horrid blue flags during the Bathurst 1000. (True story).
Some people can’t wait and want to know the sex as far in advance as technologically possible.
Others prefer the birth to be akin to opening a Christmas present – except the wrapping being irreparably torn asunder on Christmas morning is your wife’s vagina.
There are loads of different ways – some scientific, some purely superstitious – that people have turned to over the years to unveil the mystery of whether their offspring will pee sitting down for a little while, or for the rest of their lives.
The not-so-science based approach
My Dad had some ancient baby-gender-divination using a wedding ring tied to a piece of hair that he reckons worked for him 12 kids out of 12. I’m dubious, but also bias, as for me it worked with exactly zero accuracy, which defies all odds, so your mileage may vary with that approach.
Here are some other popular methods that the crazies in the family commonly use to hunt for clues. (Most are completely and clearly bonkers – until it’s your missus that’s up the duff…).
- Wedding ring swinger: circles = girl; pendulum = boy
- Bump position: high = girl; low = boy
- Heart beat: more than 140 beats per minute = girl; less than 140 bpm = boy
- Mum’s face: more acne = girl; dryer skin = boy
- Mum’s hair: normal = girl; glossier and lusher than normal = boy
- Cravings: sweet foods = girl; savoury = boy
- Morning sickness: lots of chucking in the first few months = girl; hardly any or none = boy
- Breasts: left breast grows more = girl; right breast grows more = boy
- Dad’s weight gain: not much = girl; proper Dad-bod-with-round-sympathetic-belly = boy
- Chinese calendar: ancient chart found in Beijing tomb since turned into fun internet tool. Just enter mum’s age and date of conception (apparently dads have zero to do with it) and Bob’s your uncle, (or your aunty). Claims 90% accuracy – hey if anyone has the sample sizes to work this shit out it’s China!
And then there’s the more newfangled, ‘scientific’ approach – for the boring and seeming minority of us who don’t think global warming is a conspiracy or that fossils were buried in the ground by Satan to ‘trick us’ into believing the earth is more than 6000 years old…
The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 6, 2012
And here they are:
Ultrasound
Although the medical purpose of an ultrasound is to check your baby’s development, usually by about the 20 week mark they can also have a little look-see for a dingle or a hoo-ha.
Just be cautious that this is not always accurate which, needless to say, can result in a real head trip on the big day…
Case in point, this hilarious example from an Ask Reddit thread about funny things people have yelled out during the birth:
Mniocentesis or Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS) tests
Both are invasive tests mostly only approved by doctors in the case of high risk pregnancies. They are highly accurate at detecting infections, chromosomal abnormalities and sex (close to 99% accurate on gender)…. but they are very invasive, and not a whole lot of fun for your missus.
Mum-wees-onto-some-chemicals-at-home tests
They’ve worked for a few of my friends, failed for lots of others – so take those with a grain of salt (which, as I understand it, might influence the outcome of the test…).
Ultimately, it might be better not to know, than to think you do know but have it wrong.
This can lead to all sorts of issues, from gender disappointment to having to re-paint the nursery and track down dozens of months old gift receipts.
What if you can’t agree?
Whether or not you find out the sex is really a matter of personal preference and up to each individual couple. But what happens if you and your partner can’t agree?
Sure the sonographer could just tell one of you, but that’s a bit like your mate knowing the result of a big game you’ve recorded but haven’t watched yet – you find yourself reading obsessively into every facial twitch, convinced you know their tells.
Or imagine watching the finale to Game of Thrones and not being able to talk to anyone about it, including and especially your partner, for months.
MONTHS!
Holding a poker face for that long can’t be easy.
Or healthy.
So unless you or your partner can really trust each other not to spill the beans, you might want to talk over the pros and cons and see if you can come to an agreement.
Here are a few my wife and I went over to help get you started:
The pros of finding out the sex
- It feels more real – some people say it’s much easier to relate to the baby once you know the sex, because you can connect the biological gurglings to a name and mental images of your child’s future.
- You can drop half the list of baby names you’ve been arguing over.
- You can laugh in the face of less popular relatives and other random smart-arses who unequivocally told you the gender of your unborn child – and got it wrong. (Sure, you can do this once bub arrives, but by then you will be too ecstatic, and then exhausted, and then busy, to expend energy on I told you so’s).
- You can start stockpiling gendered nappies and other stuff that will soon enough be covered in your beloved offspring’s effluent.
- While you’re at it, you might want to stock up on gendered clothes; plus you’ll know which friends and relatives to hit up for hand-me-downs.
- If you (secretly) have your hopes set on one sex over the other, you’ll have ample time to get over it and minimise feelings of disappointment on the big day.
The pros of NOT finding out the gender
- Well-meaning friends and relatives will go mad not knowing what colour clothes to buy for your baby, and not knowing the gender is one way to avoid a deluge of pastel blues or pinks.
- You can avoid a lot of the gender stereotyping and cultural expectations bullshit, at least a little longer.
- The last moments of birthing will be like the greatest bingo or lotto call in your life, except you know you’re going to win for sure, you’re just biting your nails waiting to hear what you’ve won.
- Some women say the mystery is a great motivator for the final big push too – and finding out is a sweet salve to the hideous pain they’ve been through.
- You’ll get to hear (or if you’re really lucky, shout) the immortal words “It’s a girl!” or “It’s a boy!”
If you’ve mulled over all the pros and cons and still can’t agree, I say just toss a coin. It will honestly be surprise enough on the big day that your partner successfully births a human being. You’ll be so busy counting fingers and toes that the sex will likely be an afterthought.