A year ago, the pack order in my house was well-established: humans at the top, cat at the bottom, dog in between.
Back then, ‘a nice day out with the family’ was me, my partner and Charlie in the park. A proud dad, I’d spend the day playing with Charlie, keeping her out of trouble, disposing of her poo, and stopping her from eating other picnickers’ food.
Charlie’s an old bitsa – a bit golden retriever, with maybe some border collie. Our fur child. She was rescued from a puppy farm where she had delivered, according to the vet, at least three litters in her first few years of life. When we brought her home, she was malnourished and withdrawn, but she quickly became puppy-ish in her first weeks living away from a concrete run and a cyclone fence.
For years we took Charlie everywhere – the pub, sports matches, friends’ houses, the beach, even to work. Her many escapades include the time she peed under a co-worker’s desk, humped our best friend’s staffy, and ate the coach’s strapping tape.
Then, ten months ago, Sam came along – he was a bit furry at first, but our first human child.
The newest member of the pack
When we first brought Sam home, like most new parents, we spent several sleep-deprived months feeding, nappy-changing, bathing, shushing, jiggling, swaying and praying to get that kid to sleep. We didn’t notice at first, but permanently parked at the entry to any room Sam was in, there was Charlie, facing outward – Sam’s sentry.
Admittedly, she wasn’t much of a sentry. If we, 30-something-year-old new parents, felt tired, imagine what it was like for 11-year-old Charlie (that’s about 70 dog-years). Standing guard, she would drift off to sleep by the 12th or 13th verse of incy-wincy-bloody-spider.
To Charlie, Sam was the newest member of the pack, and was somehow above ‘dog’. Sam was first through doorways, first to eat, the only one allowed on beds and lounges, and had first pick of a whole bunch of toys Charlie wasn’t allowed to eat. Just by looking after our newborn, we signalled the new pack order to Charlie. She became the committed, albeit tired, protector.
Ten months on, our tiredness has subsided a little, Sam has grown up a little and things have changed a lot. Sam now crawls fast enough to catch Charlie. We have a play-time catch-phrase:
“Look, Sam, puppy … nice puppy … no grabbing … no, don’t pull her ear … Sam, gentle!”
Perhaps Charlie is becoming a sibling. Or a toy. We haven’t quite figured it out. In any case, Charlie still sleeps at Sam’s bedroom door.
A new equilibrium
A day in the park with my family – which now means me, my partner, Sam and Charlie – hasn’t changed much. I spend the day playing with Charlie and Sam, keeping them out of trouble, disposing of their poos, and stopping them from eating other picnickers’ food.
Pet ownership prepared me for parenting in many ways – chew toys, balls for fetch, treats and poo bags were already part of my vocabulary and the go-bag that hangs by the front door.
It’s just that now, there are two bags.
Practical tips for introducing dogs to a babies
We were lucky that we sort of stumbled our way through the baby-dog introduction process and things worked out. In hindsight however, we did send important signals to Charlie in the first months, which while not deliberate, communicated the new pack order in terms/gestures that Charlie understood.
Here are a few examples of things we think helped.
1. Separate kid space and dog space
Charlie normally has an indoors all-access pass, but we kept her out of our bedroom for the first months. This was mainly because Sam was sleeping in our room (SIDS prevention guidelines recommend this for the first few months) and I didn’t want to be vacuuming dog hair out of the bedroom every day. But it also taught Charlie to respect Sammy’s personal space both in and out of the room.
2. Establish a pack order
I always made Charlie sit and wait at gates and doors until Sam had passed through first (in my arms or a pram). Sam’s feeding time was always before Charlie’s. And Sam’s toys are off-limits to Charlie. These messages made it clear that Sam was higher than Charlie in the pecking order – and that’s a language dogs understand.
3. Stay close, especially in the early months
We never left Sam alone with Charlie while they were getting to know each other. In fact, Sam was always on our lap or in our arms during their first close encounters. If Charlie got over-excited we were quick to tell her, in dog language (“grrr, you dare!” in deep tones), to settle down. Later, as Sam learnt to grab, pull, bite and climb, we were probably protecting Charlie more than Sam.